The Tales of a Blind Chef
by sharpie12
Summary: Have you ever wondered what Iggy thinks? How he feels about Max and Fang? How he thinks people look? Read and find out!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N-Hey guys and gals! I'm finally writing a story! This story has no direct plot….so it may be random. Well here goes nothing. Oh by the way the WHOLE story is in POV Iggy.**

Chapter-1

"GIVE ME THE GOD DAMN COOKIE!" Max screamed as she threw open our bedroom door.

I was the only one still in the room; Fang and Gazzy were probably eating or watching TV.

"I don't have your fucking cookie!" I yelled back to her.

God Max is very defensive when it comes to freaking cookies.

"GAZZY GIVE ME MY COOKIE YOU ITTLE TWURP!" Max screeched bolting out of the room.

Well then that's what I call a wake up call.

I slowly got out of my bed and searched for some clean clothes that some what matched.

I found a blue American Eagle shirt and some jeans. I put the clothes on and went into the kitchen.

"Good morning Iggy. Did you sleep well?" asked me as she poured some liquid probably coffee.

"meh" I said back as I grabbed a muffin of the plate on the counter and felt my way toward the living room.

"Good morning Sleeping Beauty." Max said while the other giggled.

"Shut up." I replied as I took a seat on the couch. Something was moving under me. "WHAT THE FUCK!" I yelled as I jumped up.

"You sat on me!" Nudge said catching her breath. "What have you been eating? You weigh more then a truck!"

"Sorry that I just happen to be blind." I hissed back. I sat down next to her and began eating my muffin.

"I have an idea!" Angel chimed as I finished my amazing muffin. "Total can be Iggy's Seeing Eye Dog!"

"No!" Total and I yelled at the same time.

"Okay then." Angel said as she sat back down.

"Why is it so hard?" Max said.

"Cough that's what she said cough," I said as everyone exploded into laughter.

"I was talking about the freaking muffin you pig!" Max yelled. "Its not even noon yet and your already making sex jokes!"

"Ha you said sex!" Gazzy said in between laughs. He is so immature. But so am I.

"Gazzy, Its not funny." I said shaking my head in a disappointed way.

"I'm starving! Iggy can go make us some, eggs…uh BACON…pancakes….oh waffles too… and-"nudge began babbling till someone covered her mouth with their hand.

"Thanks Fang." Max said.

"Okay ill go get cooking." I said as I headed toward the kitchen.

**A/N- OMFG I BET THAT SUCKED! I'm sorry if it did. I'll try to make it better. So REVIEW AND ILL GIVE YOU BACON! Come on every one wants Bacon! Press the damn button and review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- Okay well the reason I am updating already is cause I have no life and I am very bored! Tehe I'm eating a chocolate bar so can SUCK IT! Just kidding.**

Chapter-2

"Iggy are you in here?" Ella called while entering the kitchen.

I was cleaning up from breakfast earlier that day.

"Clearly I am" I said to her with a kind smile. I liked Ella, I _really_ liked her.

"Oh right." She said awkwardly as she walked closer to me. I could hear her breathing how it was very calm and close. "What the hell happened in here? It looks like a tornado ran threw the kitchen!" Ella declared trying to start up a conversation.

"Breakfast happened." I said in a happy tone.

Well, for the past month I have been planning the perfect way to asked Ella out. Today may be my lucky day.

"Hey Ella, I was wondering if you would like to-"I began before I was rudely interrupted by a ear piercing scream.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SAVE ME HE IS GOING TO TIE ME TO A ROCKET!" I heard nudge shriek from her room. Gazzy found the rocket parts under my bed _great_.

"I got this under control guys!" Max yelled. She always took care of the kids it's like her thing. She is like a mom. A pretty scary mom too. Glad I don't call her mommy I would get punched.

"What were you saying Iggy?" Ella asked me.

"Oh yeah I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me sometime, like on a date?" Well, I said that easier then I thought I would.

"Oh well yeah I would love to go on a date with you. Well, how about tonight?" Ella said coming closer to me.

"Yeah that would great." I said with a smile as I finished putting the freaking dishes in the sink for Max to do ;).

"Okay well then ill see you later then." Ella said in a cheerful voice as she ran out of the room.

I am smooth. I just got a date with Ella.

"Hey Ig, Max and I are going to go for a fly." Fang said blandly as he entered the room.

"Of coarse you guys are." I mumbled to myself as fang left the room. Max and Fang have been stuck to each other like glue since when we first arrived at Dr. Martinez's like four years ago. It drives me crazy when im alone with them and they make out cause all I can hear is them making out and the sounds of their fucking tongues playing tonsil hockey inside their mouths!

"Hey Iggy. Ella said walking into the kitchen.

"Hey." I said with a smile. I felt a presence that there was someone else in the room.

"This is my friend Ivy." Ella said as he came up next to me and guided me toward a girl by the living room entrance.

"Hi I'm Iggy." I said to the "Ivy" character while sticking y hand out for a hand shake.

"Ivy. It's _really_ nice to meet you." She said in a seductive tone while shaking my hand.

What the fuck.

"Oh, Ivy, I forgot to tell you that Iggy is blind." Ella said awkwardly and I nodded.

"Oh, that doesn't bother me at all." Ivy said in that same creepy tone that screams im hot and wanna to fuck….now.

"Okay, well ill see you tonight Iggy." Ella said as she surprised me with a hug. I hugged her back and gave a dirty look to where I think Ivy was standing.

I went into my room and listened to "hollaback boy" and counted how many times they say shit. Uhuh, 30 times. _Dang. _

Gazzy came in the room and sat on his bed.

"Why do girls have to be so mean?" He said as I tried to hold back my laughter."

"Girls aren't mean." I said while snickering.


	3. Chapter 3THE DATE!

**A/N- Hey, I am so so so so so **_**so!**_** Sorry about not updating in like . . . forever! Well at least I'm updating now and making this chapter really **_**really**_** long. :) ENJOY OR DIE!**

I was pacing around our den waiting for Ella to finish getting ready for our date. We were going to this like carnival thing with rides, food, clowns, **(A/N- Clowns scare the fuck outa me!) **games, food, oh and some more food!

"Iggy? I'm ready to go." I heard Ella's voice call from behind me. I turned around and walked to where I think she was standing. I felt her hand wrap around mine. I smiled to my self and led her to the door.

"So, how are we going to get there isn't your car wrecked or something?" I asked Ella as we walked out into the front yard.

"Well, my friend Ivy is going too, is it okay that she gives us a ride there and back?" Ella asked me with hope in her voice.

"Yeah I guess." I replied. That Ivy girl seemed kinda like a slut when e met earlier, but I wasn't going to tell Ella that.

BEEP BEEP! A car horn blared from the street.

"That's Ivy! Let's go." Ella said as she led me to the car. I sat in the back and played with the zipper on my hoodie.

"So, Iggy, you're looking _very_ good tonight I hope no one steals you away from Ella. That would just be _horrible." _Ivy said to me in a very sexy flirty voice that gave me the creeps.

"Uh yeah it would suck." Ella said laughing. Ivy joined in on the laughing as well.

"Very suckish. Are we close?" I asked starting a conversation.

"We're here actually." Ivy said with a giggle. I got out of the car and Ella grabbed my hand and asked me if I wanted to goon the Ferris Wheel after she went to the bathroom I nodded as she scampered away. I felt hands on my chest pushing me against the fence by the street.

"It would be _horrible _if someone _didn't _steal you away from Ella." Ivy whispered in my ear then proceeding to kiss my neck.

"WHAT THE FUCK! GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" I screamed at her. She stepped back from me and I walked away praying I wouldn't run into anyone.

"You know you want me, Iggy, just wait you'll be crawling back to me any day now!" she spat back as I heard her stomp away.

"Ready?" Ella said putting her hand in mine.

"Yeah let's go" I said in a joyful voice like that whole '..By...' thing never happened.

The night went by awesomely we went on rides, ate food, went on more rides, and ate dome more food. When it was time to go we got into Ivy's car and drove. No one said a word the entire ride except Ella. She asked ivy why she looked so pissed off. Ivy didn't reply.

When we got back home Fang and Max were on the porch swing making out. How I know? I could hear the smacking of their lips and their heavy breathing coming from the porch wear the swing was. Duh.

"Ew. That sounds PG-13!" I yelled to embarrass them. Hah, I'm an ass.

Ella laughed as Fang stood up and told me to get a life my response was simply.

"I already do . . . but you may want to re-think your life because making out isn't going to get you far, though you may make a great male stripper." Ella laughed very hard as max grunted and then the door slammed shut symbolizing they went inside.

"Well, I am tired so, I'm going to go to bed." Ella said to me.

"Nighty night." I said with a smile. Before I knew it Ella's arms were wrapped around my neck and her lips were on mine. We kissed for at least a minute.

"I had a great time tonight." Ella whispered in my ear seductively.

After Ella went inside I stood there for a minute soaking in what the hell just happened.

..Life.

**A/N- Well, hope ya like! BACON FOR ALL THAT REVIEW UNLESS YOU'RE A VEGETERIAN! YOU CAN HAVE A CAROT! **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N- Okay her goes nothing!**

"Fang! What if Iggy wakes up? He'll hear us and tell my mom!" Max said as I was waking up.

"He wont I swear he's a heavy sleeper." Fang replied.

Huh? Well, what do we have here? They are either going to make out, have sex, or Fang with feel Max up.

"Fine." Max said.

"Okay guys, seriously? Ella tells you to get a room and you pick _my _room?" I yelled getting up and storming out the door into the bathroom to take a shower.

"Told you!" I heard Max yell as my bedroom door slammed shut.

After my shower I played Call of Duty with fang and won. How? You may ask. I am amazing and Gazzy sat behind the couch with the controller that was really plugged into the Xbox and I just clicked random buttons. Gazzy has beaten the game 5 times. I am so smart.

"God damnit! How did you win! You're freaking blind!" Fang yelled in frustration.

"I don't know I'm just amazing like that." I replied heading towards Ella's room.

I knocked on her door lightly.

"Who is it?' she yelled.

"Your mom." I replied with a laugh.

"Iggy, what are we going to do with you?" Ella asked opening the door.

"Send me to the Playboy Mansion!" I said hopefully. Ella hit my shoulder lightly and laughed.

"So, did you need something?" Ella asked as I sat on her bed.

"No. Kind of bored." I replied cracking my neck and knuckles.

"Oh well I was going to go to Ivy's so sorry I can't spend any time with you." Ella replied grabbing my hand.

"It's okay." I replied I leaned in to kiss her and right when our lips touched-

"ELLA IVY IS WAITING OUTSIDE FOR YOU! NOW GO!" Mrs. Martinez yelled from the other side of the door. Shit.

"Sorry. I'll see you later." Ella whispered as she kissed my cheek and ran out of the room.

_LINE BREAK OH YEAH_

'There's a place downtown,  
Where the freaks all come around.  
It's a hole in the wall.  
It's a dirty free for all.

When the dark  
Of the night comes around.  
That's the time,  
That the animal comes alive.  
Looking for  
Something wild.

And now we lookin' like pimps  
In my gold Trans-Am.  
Got a water bottle full of whiskey  
In my handbag.  
Got my drunk text on  
I'll regret it in the mornin'  
But tonight  
I don't give a  
I don't give a  
I don't give a

There's a place downtown,  
Where the freaks all come around.  
It's a hole in the wall.  
It's a dirty free for all.

And they turn me on.  
When they Take It Off.  
When they Take It Off.  
Everybody Take It Off.

There's a place I know  
If you're looking for a show.  
Where they go hardcore  
And there's glitter on the floor.

And they turn me on.  
When they Take It Off.  
When they Take It Off.  
Everybody Take It Off.'

"Okay! I can't take this any more! Shut off that music! I can only handle so much Kesha!"I yelled down to where Nudge and Angel were basting 'Take it Off'.

"FINE!" They yelled back. They played that song over and over it just irks me! Whoa. . . I just used a fancy word . . . okay I have officially lost my mind.

"Fang!" I yelled out of the open door of our room where Gazzy and I were "resting."

"Huh?" Fang said walking into the room sitting next to me on my bed.

"I've lost it." I said sadly.

"Lost what." Fang mumbled confusedly. I heard Gazzy sit up and say-

"His virginity."

"What the hell! No!" I yelled at him. He laughed and turned the TV on to Degrassi.

"I lost my mind. This morning I forgot how to make freaking scrambled eggs! I know all the words to every single fucking Glee song! I think Eli on Degrassi reminds me of you! I lost my mind!" I yelled at fang as I banged my head against the wall at least 4 times before Fang stopped me.

"Well, maybe you just need some sleep, a break from cooking, and a break from watching TV." Fang replied.

"WHAT!" I yelled


End file.
